hi everyone I added a few of my favorite song for you to listen to. The top 2 song I think sometimes fit my mood or should I say fit my mental state quite a bit. Sometimes I think your big sis is a mess and really these blogs help, you know if I keep talking maybe some of my feelings will disappear and I won't get depressed days. I think the worse thing is the fact that I've never really had any feelings about changing my life. One thing I know is god wants us to forgive the weak minded people like my x for instance but I'm not sure I can. Does that make me a bad person in his eyes? Believe me I've tried I am numb to the whole thing no hate no forgiveness nothin. Ive talked to doctors about that and they said I was never gonna feel better if I didn't let those feelings out. Where are they and how can I let them out? Most of the time I just think that thinkin bout all that stuff isn't worth the agony that it gives me although if I could I would probably hate him but again hes not even worth the time to hate. But, every once in awhile the reminders of that time pops in my head like a migraine. I guess some day I will have to tell you guys the extent of my life but for now just bare with me and hopefully it will go away. Robert is so the opposite of Randy thank you God for letting us find each other which I think is a blessing from afar. And poor Robert hes been through lots of my bad days but thankfully hes very supportive. So if I sometimes sound a lil whacky hopefully you will understand. I love you all