Saturday, October 25, 2008

YOU REALLY MISSED ME???????

Well so I guess I was missed??? Just been having those horrible days at work trying to manage being around an unmanageable manager if you can relate. It seems no matter where you work there is always someone that can ruin it. She really has no business even being a manager let alone my boss. OOOOH we went to Fort Desoto the other day and was having a great time on the beach together gather seashells and just walkin along when all of a sudden OUCH I stepped on a jelly fish that stung the bottom of my foot that was no fun. Kind of felt like a bee sting. But its better now. The weather has been kind of dreary here lately so I've been a lil depressed I hate that. And no Randy we don't have world series tickets I wish..... I love baseball. Although my yankees didn't make it. We only live about 15 minutes from the stadium but no tickets bummmmmer!!!!!!! Robert almost had to go out of state again but they changed their mind thank goodness so he is workin here this trip. I wish I had a traveling job sometimes then maybe I could see some of the places I haven't seen which is wide open so I could just about go anywhere and it would be new to me. But for now I will be content with being home with my husband. Of course there is alot of places real close to us I haven't seen so maybe a weekend trip or something.Anyway hurry up and buy me tickets to Hawaii bro..... lol maybe one of us will win the lottery how nice would that be. So take care and talk to you all soon...

Monday, October 13, 2008

waiting..waiting...waiting

I am a very happy girl today Robert is like 10 hrs away yahooooo. Can't wait kinda feels like a first date. I just feel like half of me is gone when he goes out of town. Must be love huh??? This love thing is all new to me its actually kinda awesome if I don't say so myself. I have so much to do today clean house..... wait..... laundry .......wait ..... Long process to get him home. Hope he missed me half as much as I do him. Well anyway better get busy I know so I can hurry up and wait...... Love you all

Friday, October 10, 2008

hi everyone I added a few of my favorite song for you to listen to. The top 2 song I think sometimes fit my mood or should I say fit my mental state quite a bit. Sometimes I think your big sis is a mess and really these blogs help, you know if I keep talking maybe some of my feelings will disappear and I won't get depressed days. I think the worse thing is the fact that I've never really had any feelings about changing my life. One thing I know is god wants us to forgive the weak minded people like my x for instance but I'm not sure I can. Does that make me a bad person in his eyes? Believe me I've tried I am numb to the whole thing no hate no forgiveness nothin. Ive talked to doctors about that and they said I was never gonna feel better if I didn't let those feelings out. Where are they and how can I let them out? Most of the time I just think that thinkin bout all that stuff isn't worth the agony that it gives me although if I could I would probably hate him but again hes not even worth the time to hate. But, every once in awhile the reminders of that time pops in my head like a migraine. I guess some day I will have to tell you guys the extent of my life but for now just bare with me and hopefully it will go away. Robert is so the opposite of Randy thank you God for letting us find each other which I think is a blessing from afar. And poor Robert hes been through lots of my bad days but thankfully hes very supportive. So if I sometimes sound a lil whacky hopefully you will understand. I love you all

Thursday, October 9, 2008

STRUGGLING TO FIND MYSELF

Well hi to all of you and I suddenly realized something after reading my brothers and sister-in-laws blogs that we are alot alike. Although I have a very happy marriage sometimes no strike that all the time I feel something is missing. At 53 I'm starting to feel I don't know,whats the words I'm trying to say maybe a little insecure about myself. I too am in that second phase of my life and I too have always been that timid person that probably missed out on lots of things because of that. I want to change all that and open up have some fun try new things that I could possibly fail at but hey at least I tried right???? I miss my family and really all I have ever wanted in my life was to have a happy marriage be the best mom ever now grandma and enjoy my family. But for too much of my life I was controlled and made to do things I never wanted to do like not being able to keep in touch with my brothers and sisters. Why are there people that control us and why do we allow them too. you know day before our mom past away she begged me to come see her but of course I wasn't allowed. That saddens me beyond sad and infuriates me that I allowed that to happen. Then when I did get to see her she was in the hospital and I was called out to go home. Should of stayed I probably will never forgive myself or him for that. I know I will never allow someone to control me like that again and I guess thats why I love Robert so much he actually allows me to be me. Which as far as I can tell I am a pretty nice person. But for some reason I've become this jealous wife for no good reason other than I really haven't figured that out yet. Maybe its our age difference or something. And poor Robert all he ever does is try to make me happy which he does so why do I feel this way???? Now hes gone for 2 or 3 weeks and I'm miserable. I am working on that jealous thing and I think maybe I should do something other than just go to work. I'm not saying triathalon or anything because frankly I think that would kill me..... lol... but I need to focus on positives instead of negatives and enjoy this ride they call life. Anyway I love all of you guys and I am sorry I allowed someone to keep me away from all of you. Hope you will forgive me... take care and talk at you later

Friday, October 3, 2008

Ah, October I love Halloween month. Don't know exactly why but it brings the kid out in me. Can't wait to climb in the attic and dig out all the Halloween decorations we have. And all those cute lil trick or treaters. Just a fun time for me. I remember the first time I took Forrest trick or treating I know I had more fun than him. He was like 2 and we lived in Sweet Home at the time took him to the avenues anyone thats lived there knows where that is because thats where we would get our mega stash of candy each year. Anyway we went out and about an hr into it he wanted to go home poor kid and me of course I said one more house ok??? Well I finally gave in and took him home where he totally had more fun handing out the candy than receiving it. Whats wrong with that picture oh well, it was still fun. Back when I was a kid that was the most exciting nite of the year except when Santa came yahoo!!!!!! tons of new toys and of course the nite before present we always got to open. That was aaallllwwwaaaaayyyyssssssssss pajamas. Just so we wouldn't look raggity on Christmas morning for all those pictures. Childhood!!!! No worries, no problems wonderful life. Didn't it seem like time went by slower then? Maybe if we started wondering how much longer till Christmas or Halloween or exciting things like that time would slow down again like when we were kids. Geez I think I was like 13 or something before I realized who Santa really was. Thats the joy of being the oldest kid in the family you get to be that kid the longest. I know when I had my son all I wanted was for him to have the same wonderful childhood I remembered having mostly always happy and having fun and just being able to be that kid.Then it was can't wait to be 18 and out of school now what ? then can't wait to be 21 drinkin legal!!! big deal by then it was no fun anymore, then wow I'm 30, bam 40, then no way 50??? wow where did the time go??? when I was young people 50 were old. Funny I don't feel old. Time is a strange thing don't you think? Well time to get ready for work can't wait, hey I'm getting into the can't wait mode see if it slows things down a lil. Anyway have a great Friday

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

You know after reading Karen's blog I suddenly realized something why do you always long for the things you wanted to get away from in the first place? Maybe its the feeling of adventure in the unknown I guess. When I was in Oregon all my life I wanted to see places go places and be anywhere but there. Oh don't get me wrong I still want those all exciting vacations but as Dorothy said, THERES NO PLACE LIKE HOME. There's alot of truth to that statement but, what happened to home is where you hang your hat? Karen maybe we should buy a hat. And I love my life in Florida with Robert but I too miss my family and Forrest, Stacey and the grandkids. I miss seeing the sun set over the snow mountains all pink and beautiful. And theres really nothing like waking up on Christmas morning and seeing everything covered in snow. Of course that really doesn't have to hang around for 3 months, I do remember getting tired of seeing all white. It is beautiful here in a very different way than Oregon we really don't have the seasons here either. But I think fall is my fav in Florida. Crisp mornings ,you know 70 or something but after having those humid mornings fall is nice. Not much rain and honestly if I could I'd live in Oregon half the year and Florida the other. Guess thats a goal to go after huh? And Karen those darn kids can"t they just stay home??? Well, maybe not home home but close so we could at least see them. I guess maybe when their kids are grown and wondering around the world they will see what we go through. Anyway I feel your pain and your happiness so you are not in that boat alone. everyone have a great wednesday and talk at you all soon. Listen to me ,I think I'm sounding a bit southern you all!!!!! love ya


Deb and Robert

Andrew and his wife Brandie

Forrest and Stacey

andrew

For's lil family

Grandpa and Faith at the beach

Andrew future triathaloner!!!!!

us and the grandkids Andrew and Faith

aaaahhhh!!!!!!