TIME TO REFLECT

Hi.... everyone. I thought it was probably time to talk to you all since its been in forever. Alot has been goin on in my life and don't really know where to start. My brother wrote an awesome blog the other day about his memories of our dad. Made me start thinkin bout all sorts of things. Our dad died when I was 12 only time I am glad I was the oldest sibling because I remember him very well. He was a wonderful man worked hard all his life, loved his family life and was never never angry. Thats hard to believe but I can never remember a time when he was angry except once when I was about 10 and decided to try out the talkin back thing like I said the key word was (try). That was not a good idea but I tried it anyway. Worked my butt off for the next week lol but I never tried that one again. When he was diagnosed with cancer I really didn't realize exactly what that meant but I remember having to stay at our aunts house because back then kids couldn't be around someone with cancer. Never understood that. I wanted my dad and then when we finally got to see him in our home that we weren't aloud in he was this little frail man laying in bed and still he was smiling acting like nothing was wrong. I remember them telling us he was gone and how lonely that felt and it took me a few years to admit he was gone to anyone which probably wasn't very healthy but it made me feel like he was still there. Now at this point in my life I'm watching my father-in-law go through this and its so hard. Hes coming to the closing of this life faster than we all hope and I'm wondering can I stay strong for Robert. He is the love of my life and this is really taking a toll on us mainly because I really don't think either of us know how to handle this and what it will be like when it does happen. He wants to stay home with us until the end thats scarey to me hes been like a father to me and I want to be able to be that shoulder for Robert so long story short I'm scared to death of the end. Our moods of short tempers,sometimes makes it feel like we are drifting apart but I think thats us grasping at something else to take our pain out on. It feels like we should need each other more but stress thats such an ugly word. And stress is a main factor in our lives right now. I love him with all my heart and I know he loves me and that will be all we need to get through this. So eventually we will be back to normal again but for now our main focus is making Hank my father-in -law comfortable and happy. I was trying desperately to get a Rays player to come meet him but no one will answer he spends his happiest times watching there baseball games every night. He loves that team so I thought it would be awesome for him to meet one. Scratch that idea can't get anyone to answer my emails and time is running out. So I guess hes stuck with us. Anyway take care I love you all and see most of you on facebook